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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24780859">inarticulate</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuroopaisen/pseuds/kuroopaisen'>kuroopaisen</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, For the most part, M/M, Other, Pining, friends-to-lovers, gender neutral reader, iwaizumi's bad at expressing himself, kind of, oikawa's here, short and sweet? i hope?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 09:07:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,441</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24780859</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/kuroopaisen/pseuds/kuroopaisen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>iwaizumi’s never been good at talking about his feelings. so instead, he keeps them to himself.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Iwaizumi Hajime/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>128</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>inarticulate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    
<p></p><div class="copy">
  <p>“He’s kind of cute.”</p>
  <p>There they were. The words Iwaizumi had been dreading for so long.</p>
  <p>It was only the second week of university, and it had finally happened. You’d met Oikawa.</p>
  <p>He knew you were bound to meet eventually. And he wasn’t actively trying to stop it. He’d just hoped that he could stay in this limbo, for a little while. But, you’d wanted to come along to practice to support him.</p>
  <p>And of course, the person who caught your eye just had to be <em>Oikawa</em>.</p>
  <p>“He’s a piece of shit,” he mumbled, looking down.</p>
  <p>You turned to him with one eyebrow raised. “I thought you two were close.”</p>
  <p>“He’s still a piece of shit.”</p>
  <p>You laughed, reaching up to sling your arm across his shoulders. “Do you speak about me like this when I’m not around?”</p>
  <p><em>Of course not</em>, he thought to himself. Frankly, he barely spoke about you at all. Not because he didn’t want to – but because he was afraid to. Afraid that, if he made your existence known, Oikawa would want to meet you. Afraid that, if you met, your attention would all go towards his best friend. Like it usually did.</p>
  <p>And then that small flicker of hope that maybe, just maybe, you felt the same way about him would finally die out.</p>
  <p>Today was that day, apparently.</p>
  <p>“I thought you two were close,” you laughed, tilting your head at him.</p>
  <p>Iwaizumi clenched his jaw at that.</p>
  <p>“Or is this a ‘I’ll never tell him how I really feel because I’ll simply die for embarrassment’ kind of thing?” You grinned, putting on your best Iwaizumi impression.</p>
  <p>“I don’t sound like that,” he grunted, rolling his eyes. But annoyingly enough, you’d managed to capture his voice pretty well.</p>
  <p>“Whatever,” you sighed, stretching your arms above your head. “Enjoy the rest of practice.”</p>
  <p>——</p>
  <p>“So, are they single?”</p>
  <p>Iwaizumi’s shoulders tensed up. Oikawa’s face was covered with a towel. Iwaizumi took the moment to compose himself.</p>
  <p>“Iwa?”</p>
  <p>“As far as I know,” Iwaizumi grunted, throwing his own towel over his shoulder.</p>
  <p>“I thought you would’ve been more up-to-date on your best friend’s personal life, Iwa,” Oikawa hummed, tilting his head at him.</p>
  <p>“They’re single,” Iwaizumi conceded, turning around in an attempt to hide his face. No way he was going to let Oikawa catch whiff of what was going inside his head.</p>
  <p>“Think they’re into me?” Oikawa chuckled. Iwaizumi’s jaw clenched. “I caught them staring at me during practice. I have to say, they’re pretty cute.”</p>
  <p>“Whatever, Shittykawa,” Iwaizumi mumbled, wishing that he could be literally anywhere else at that moment.</p>
  <p>“No need to be so gloomy,” Oikawa sighed, picking up his own bag. “What’s your problem?”</p>
  <p>“You better treat them with respect, okay?” He wasn’t quite sure why he’d said that. It sounded like an admission. But God, he didn’t want the two of you getting involved.</p>
  <p>Not that he could stop it.</p>
  <p>“Iwa, I wouldn’t <em>dream </em>of—”</p>
  <p>“I’m serious.” He turned to look Oikawa directly in the eyes at that. God, if Oikawa hurt you… well, Iwaizumi knew he’d feel partly responsible for it. He was the reason you’d met, after all. And, he wasn’t sure if he could handle that conflict of interests.</p>
  <p>Something close to a smile touched Oikawa’s lips. “I know you are.”</p>
  <p>——</p>
  <p>Nothing happened.</p>
  <p>Two years of university, and nothing happened.</p>
  <p>Oikawa flirted with you all the time, sure. You even flirted back, should the mood take you. But nothing of any real consequence had happened; no dates, no relationship, no hook-ups.</p>
  <p>And it was driving Iwaizumi insane.</p>
  <p>The only real positive was that you’d stopped talking about Oikawa so much. And, when you did, there was a distinctly platonic edge to it. No mention of how handsome he was, no mention of how nervous you’d get around him. Just little anecdotes of what you got up to that you’d share with Iwaizumi because you thought they were funny.</p>
  <p>And they were. But hearing about the two of you spending time together alone just made him feel a whole host of complicated feelings.</p>
  <p>And he hated himself for it.</p>
  <p>Why couldn’t he just be happy for the two of you? Maybe that’s why he was so frustrated. The whole ‘will-they-won’t-they’ dance just prolonged his suffering. Because for as long as you and Oikawa weren’t dating, he could still harbour that little flicker of hope.</p>
  <p>And he had. Despite his best efforts to let bygones be bygones, it had persisted.</p>
  <p>He’d tried dating, of course. That was what you did once you made it to university. But he was never able to just… let himself go. Instead, he did what he’d always done: he focused on volleyball.</p>
  <p>Truth be told, he hadn’t intended to keep playing with Oikawa after high school – not after that promise to beat him. But, by some stroke of serendipity – although Iwaizumi would’ve preferred the term ‘bad luck’ – they’d ended up at the same university.</p>
  <p>It felt like nothing had changed.</p>
  <p>But you were there, now.</p>
  <p>And to both equal parts his delight and chagrin, you’d become something of a trio. The rational part of him felt relieved that his best friends got along so well. And he’d likely feel that way with some consistency, if you didn’t get along <em>too </em>well. It was bad enough that you and Oikawa seemed to have a thing for one another. But it might’ve been bearable, if it wasn’t forced in his face near every day.</p>
  <p>He’d never seen you laugh as much as you did when Oikawa was around, either. He always seemed to think of something that made you light up. And every time he did, Iwaizumi wishes it had been him. That he was the person who could make you smile that that.</p>
  <p>And, you always seemed to be together before Iwaizumi joined you, casting him furtive glances whenever he arrived. You always seemed to whisper things to one another; things he wasn’t supposed to hear. He wouldn’t let himself wonder what those might be.</p>
  <p>But you were his best friends. Distancing himself from the two of you just wasn’t an option. And despite it all, he couldn’t imagine being apart from the two of you. You were both part of him, now. You both brought him more comfort than he could say.</p>
  <p>Oikawa kept asking about you. Little questions, little goads followed up by that aggravating little smile of his. Sometimes it felt like he was testing him. His only response was the tried-and-tested method of being a bit too terse. Sometimes Oikawa would press a little further, sometimes he conceded early.</p>
  <p>Fuck, he really should’ve just told Oikawa about it back in high school. The teasing would’ve been worth it.</p>
  <p>He usually never had an issue speaking his mind. Especially with Oikawa. But with you… it was different. There was a quiet fear, quiet yet pervasive; a fear of crushing something so delicate, so precious. A fear of rejection. A fear of confronting something he’d ran from for so long.</p>
  <p>It was too late, anyway. Two years had passed.</p>
  <p>And he wouldn’t think about it now. Not when you’re on the couch next to him, your annual <em>Godzilla </em>marathon well underway.</p>
  <p>Your phone dinged. You cursed to yourself quietly, going to check it. Iwaizumi’s eyes flick down absent-mindedly, but you’d quickly turned the phone away from him. He frowned. Was that intentional?</p>
  <p>His eyes flicked to your face. A slightly furrowed brow, your bottom lip caught between your teeth.</p>
  <p>“Everything okay?” He asked.</p>
  <p>You turned to him suddenly, eyes slightly round. “Oh, yeah,” you paused. “Just Oikawa being an idiot.”</p>
  <p>Iwaizumi rolled his eyes. Or course.</p>
  <p>“I told him I was busy today,” you mumbled, locking your phone.</p>
  <p>“He just can’t stop bothering you, huh?” Iwaizumi sighed, trying to shift the annoyance in his stomach.</p>
  <p>“You’ve got that right,” you sighed, leaning over and resting your head on his shoulder.</p>
  <p>Iwaizumi froze. God, he’d never get used to this, would he? You’d been more casually affectionate with him since university had started. Little, thoughtless touches that he couldn’t get out of his head. It shouldn’t have been all that strange, close as you were.</p>
  <p>But whenever he felt you pressed against him like that, it’s like he’s fourteen again. He doesn’t know what to <em>do</em>, and the last thing he wants to make you feel is uncomfortable. Uncomfortable with how distant he is. Uncomfortable about the fact he’s quietly in love with you.</p>
  <p>Your phone pinged again. Oikawa?</p>
  <p>“Oh,” you mumbled, reaching for your phone but not getting off him. “I should put that on silent.”</p>
  <p>“I thought he would’ve asked you out by now,” Iwaizumi grumbled. He hadn’t thought about the words that deeply before saying them. It was just a thought that had been stewing in the back of his mind for far too long. But even during the moments when it was supposed to be the two of you, he was still <em>there</em>.</p>
  <p>You scoffed. “Gross.”</p>
  <p>Iwaizumi bit the inside of his cheek. This performance, huh? The playful disgust, the endless teasing that made him feel like his lifespan was getting shorter and shorter. It was the dance of teenagers, not people who’d been through two years of university.</p>
  <p><em>If you like someone, just tell them</em>. He’d said those words to Oikawa, once, all gruff and confident and exhausted. <em>What a hypocrite</em>, he thought, his brow furrowing.</p>
  <p>“You alright, Iwa?”</p>
  <p>You were looking at him. He couldn’t deal with that right now. Not when you looked so bright, so happy. God, he felt like an asshole.</p>
  <p>“I’m fine,” he mumbled, turning away from you.</p>
  <p>“Please don’t keep things from me.” Your voice was so soft, so fractured.</p>
  <p>He bit the inside of his cheek, clenching his fists.</p>
  <p>He had always told you everything. Every fear at three in the morning, when sleep was just out of reach and the only thing he could think to do was call you. Every quiet hope, every small dream he’d nurtured in the dark, so delicate that he’d never shared them with anyone but you. Every true feeling that he hid behind the barbs; how much he loved Oikawa, how scared he was of the future, how he so desperately wished he knew how to be gentle, to be soft.</p>
  <p>The only thing he’d never told you was how he felt about you.</p>
  <p>Was that unfair of him?</p>
  <p>“What’s really going on with you and Oikawa?” It’s a question he should’ve asked years ago. And maybe it wasn’t the most opportune moment to ask. But the words had already left his mouth.</p>
  <p>“What do you mean?” You were frowning at him, head titled slightly. Were you playing dumb?</p>
  <p>“You know,” he shrugged. “Do you… have feelings for him?” God, had he really just said <em>do you have feelings for him</em>? <em>That</em> was how he decided to phrase it?</p>
  <p>You laughed. Any other day, any other time, he would’ve enjoyed the sound.</p>
  <p>“I love him,” you said. The words were a jolt to his stomach, anticipated but not prepared for.</p>
  <p>“But not like that.”</p>
  <p>And everything froze. Those words were so small, so innocuous. You likely hadn’t thought about them that much.</p>
  <p>But they changed everything.</p>
  <p>You wrapped your arms around his, and Iwaizumi wondered if this might be too much for him.</p>
  <p>He could feel the tips of your fingers digging into his bicep, your entire body taut against him. Were you… okay? Iwaizumi frowned, opening his mouth to ask.</p>
  <p>Your phone pinged again.</p>
  <p>“It’s always been you, Hajime,” you murmured, your head against his shoulder.</p>
  <p>He stopped breathing. Did you… did you really just say that? Your voice was so quiet, so <em>soft </em>that he wasn’t quite sure if you’d meant to say it. But the grip on his arm told him otherwise.</p>
  <p>“Why didn’t you say something sooner?” He asked, the words rushing out before he’d really thought about them. <em>Fuck</em>, he thought, <em>now I sound like a real asshole.</em></p>
  <p>“I thought you didn’t like me,” you mumbled, lowering your face. “I didn’t want to drive you away.”</p>
  <p>The world was frozen in a crystalline moment he’s afraid of shattering. What he does next would change everything. The way things were had been blown away, like dust on an old book.</p>
  <p>What were you thinking?</p>
  <p>In that moment, far too much. You hadn’t wanted to tell him – at least, not like this. You’d tried to ignore Oikawa’s suggestion, but he’d been persistent. He’d told you that the two of you couldn’t keep going like this; that you’d drive each other insane if you weren’t careful.</p>
  <p>And he was right. You weren’t sure how long you could hold out in this limbo; wanting to be closer to him, but always feeling like there was a glass wall between the two of you.</p>
  <p>Maybe a couple of words in an inopportune moment was enough to change that.</p>
  <p>But Iwaizumi wasn’t good with words. Not when it came to his feelings.</p>
  <p>Calloused fingers grazed your cheek. You looked up at him, startled.</p>
  <p>And he kissed you.</p>
  <p>It’s a moment so delicate, so fragile you feel like the smallest movement will make it break. And yet, there’s such a grounded confidence to it – no, to <em>him – </em>that it makes you shiver.</p>
  <p>You’d never expected kissing him would be like… this. It’s rough around the edges, somehow too tentative and too hasty. His hand was so soft against your cheek that it almost felt like a ghost. But you were all too aware of it. Aware that you wanted more.</p>
  <p>And you feel like a right fool. You should’ve done something sooner; you’d known him so long, wanted this for so long. How much time had you lost?</p>
  <p>He drew away, and you remembered that this was just a kiss. Nothing more than that.</p>
  <p>And it scares you. You felt all of that for a mere kiss?</p>
  <p>But that had always been it, hadn’t it? That’s what it was like with Iwaizumi.</p>
  <p>It was just that he’d finally been able to speak fluently, in a language he felt comfortable with.</p>
  <p>And with what he’d just told you, the last thing you should be is scared.</p>
  <p>He smiled at you. And it’s the most beautiful thing you could think of. Iwaizumi, his eyes so <em>tender</em>, his face free from its usual tension. And you realise, in that moment, this is him without any kind of mask. This is the Iwaizumi you’d been reaching for all these years. And that, more than anything, might be the most wonderful thing.</p>
  <p>“Thank fuck,” he mumbled.</p>
</div><div class="footer">
  <p> </p>
</div>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>cross-posted on other platforms</p></blockquote></div></div>
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